hi, zoey again. i need friends…
i have many friends. shallow friends. deep water friends. but i still only have johnny at my core.
i want best friends again. like that one girl in middle school. she was my best friend. until i found out how horrible and immature and despicable she was. i need a “girlfriend”. johnny is more than enough for me, truly… but i want friends too.
another thing… i never make friends with people who have the same interests as me. i met johnny’s friends a while back… their interests fit well with johnny’s. i never have friends with people i can talk to about WoW, console gaming, reading mangas, cosplaying, catchy tunes, oldies, cartoon shows, porn sites, etc. i always make friends with people who are nothing like me. i guess it’s a good thing that i can get along with all kinds of people… but i also miss having friends that like the same stuff as i do.
reminiscing about middle school… fun and dark times. i had really close friends. is it me? am i the problem? i never seem to create long lasting CLOSE friendships… just regular ones. but i’m always the one trying to tell them that whatever they’re doing is stupid/dumb/annoying/bad. people never take it easy when you tell them their wrong. i don’t either but i’ll get it eventually if you keep pressing the issue. and i definitely will not run away from our friendship…
i need real friends. friends that won’t back down if i criticize them… friends that won’t ditch me when we have fights. friends that won’t betray me or hurt me on purpose… friends that won’t immediately side with someone who has badmouthed me and will actually ask themselves “was isay being that bad? was it really like that? she must have her own side of the story.”
no friend of mine has ever considered my side of the story. whenever there’s a huge split in a group of friends, no one ever, EVER takes my side into consideration. i know it’s an argument, but people not directly related to the conflict will be swayed so easily by just a few lies. it happens to me over and over… i’m meant to have only one true friend.
johnny… johnny is all i need anyway. he’ll protect me from people. “i hate people, johnny…” i find myself saying this a lot lately. johnny just holds me and says “i know.” it’s not fair. why does it always happen to me? i never criticize them just for the sake of making them feel bad. i’m telling them how to improve, and it’s not just an opinion… it’s bad habits like “choosing your small-time crush over your bestfriend” or “eliminating the existence of your friend in your group because she flirted with the boy you like”. i don’t get it…
johnny’s my only true friend. is that sad? whenever johnny says he’ll leave me i feel like i’ll be all alone. i have friends, shallow friends. but johnny is the only i can to talk to, heart to heart. johnny’s all i need… it’s sad isn’t it?
